Moments

While Peter was in the courtyard below, one of the high priest’s maidservants came. When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with Jesus, the man from Nazareth.”

But he denied it: “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about.” Then he went out to the entryway, and a rooster crowed.

When the maidservant saw him again, she began to tell those standing nearby, “This man is one of them.”

But again he denied it. After a little while those standing there said to Peter again, “You certainly are one of them, since you’re also a Galilean.”

Then he started to curse and swear, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about!”

Immediately a rooster crowed a second time, and Peter remembered when Jesus had spoken the word to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.  Mark 14:66-72 (CSB)

I feel for this image, so so much. I was told recently by a spiritual counselor that one of the primary types of people that he sees are individuals who were raised in tightly controlled or legalistic spiritual environments. Notice the difference between a legalistic parent, and how Jesus approached Peter. Jesus didn’t even bring up the fact that Peter would betray him until Peter boldly proclaimed that he would never abandon Jesus. Jesus’ approach wasn’t chastisement, it was truth telling and, as importantly, drawing in meekness (https://joy-project.org/2025/04/09/peter-and-judas/). Peter thought that he would win favor with his fervor and devotion. Jesus prefers honesty and humility. It’s not the devotion of Peter at all, in the end, but rather Jesus’ devotion to him that is worth anything.

Peter failed. But he failed, something Jesus never expected of him — to be perfect. I imagine this a breaking point of sorts for Peter’s pride, the moment he recognizes his failure he weeps. But it’s his failure. A failure of his own expectation. Luke’s text tells us that the moment he fails Jesus looks at him (Luke 22:61). Again, not shame, except that which Peter applies to himself. Rather, it’s truth. A mirror, showing Peter himself. 

In a way, that’s what judgment is. A mirror that points out who we really are. Not who we think we are, or who we want to be, but who we are. Most turn away in shame, or embarrassment, but Jesus responds with truth, and love as we will see later in John’s Gospel (Chapter 21) And this is the moment Peter truly begins to become the Rock that Jesus says he will be (Matthew 16:18). Peter was always insightful, being the first to see Jesus for who he really was (Matthew 16:16). And now that insightfulness saw himself for who he really was—a crack in the defiance—allowing Jesus to finally being to work with him.

Peter’s sudden self awareness is rather like an addict finally being able to recognize their addiction. Like an addict, the root is rarely the presenting issue, but deep expectations and brokeness that lies within. It’s never about the alcohol, or the drugs, but the thing that leads an addict to that place. The first step is seeing yourself for who you really are. But the twelve steps of Recovery are not just for addicts, bur rather they are basic Christian living that has been adapted, intentionally, for people in dire circumstances. Following his self admittance, Peter would fully recognize each of these steps in his own life would you ask him, as would any other Christian regularly practicing their walk with Christ. Just like Christ, they are both merciful and honest, drawing someone deeper into the love of him, but yet not allowing them to hide from the truth of who they are.

Following 1. Self admittance, the rest are:
2. Turn from trusting yourself to trusting Jesus.  
3. Turn your life over to Jesus.  
4. Begin to take personal moral inventories. 
5. Confess your inadequacies, to self, God, and someone else. 
6. Be prepared to change. 
7. Seek higher power to remove weaknesses
8. Make a list of everyone you have ever wronged, 
9. Reach out to everyone on the list and make it right, if it doesn’t do them further damage (Ammends). 
10. Return to Self reflection and be quick to admit errors in the future (responsibility)
11. Regularly seek connection with God through prayer, meditation, and worship  
12. Use what you’ve learned to help others achieve the same. 

The steps of this program show us a love that is transformational, yet merciful. It is not legalistic, but it is truthful. It is unafraid to look at self and accept responsibility, and also unafraid to trust, surrender, and seek transformation from God. 

Peter denied Christ and realized it. It was his first step. Are you ready for your own? 

(Image of the yard outside Caiaphas’ House)

Those who had arrested Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders had convened. Peter was following him at a distance right to the high priest’s courtyard. He went in and was sitting with the servants to see the outcome.

The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false testimony against Jesus so that they could put him to death, but they could not find any, even though many false witnesses came forward. Finally, two who came forward stated, “This man said, ‘I can destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days.’”

The high priest stood up and said to him, “Don’t you have an answer to what these men are testifying against you?” But Jesus kept silent. The high priest said to him, “I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.”

“You have said it,” Jesus told him. “But I tell you, in the future you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power and coming on the clouds of heaven.”

Then the high priest tore his robes and said, “He has blasphemed! Why do we still need witnesses? See, now you’ve heard the blasphemy. What is your decision?”

They answered, “He deserves death!” Then they spat in his face and beat him; others slapped him and said, “Prophesy to us, Messiah! Who was it that hit you?” Matthew 26:57-68  (CSB)

I’ve been to Caiaphas’ house, and into the dungeon in which Jesus was likely held. It’s really just a pit hewn out of rock. In Jesus’ day, the prisoner was lowered up and down through a hole in the top of the pit. Currently, there is a stairwell that winds down into it, but even with that my claustrophobia won’t easily allow me to go all the way in, and only then when the exit is clear.

Imprinted into the side of the stone walls are the scratching of prisoners, presumably going crazy and trying to claw their way out of the horrific place after being thrown in, beaten and abandoned. One wonders why a priest, a man of God, would need such a place.

This is where the Passion of God starts to get very real. Fitting, since we’re one week away from Easter. 

I remember as a child hearing the story of Corrie Ten Boom, whose family were Dutch Christians that attempted to hide Jews during the holocaust. They were ultimately captured and sent to a concentration camp, where she writes about the horrific things she both witnessed and experienced, including the death of her father and sister. 

Evil makes us uncomfortable in modern day America. We don’t like the sound of it. We want to pretend it doesn’t exist, and squirrel it away, assuming the best in others and the world. Evil is for somewhere else or some other time. This false sense of security blinds us to the reality that many have faced, and many continue to face. Boom walked away from the concentration camp even more devout. After having seen the direst evil, she was more convinced than ever that God was the only answer. Her famous line is apropos to both environments,

There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.

This is the word we must know when there is little else to trust in. When there is little hope left or all seems hopeless. When there are no obvious material or political solutions, our hope must come from trusting in that. It’s the very hope that bore Jesus through the coming days, beginning with this dark one.

On a lectern, in the pit of this miserable dungeon, there is an old worn psalm that pilgrims read aloud, listening to the echos of their voices hauntingly dancing through the space. Hearing what we believe Jesus might have recited to maintain his own hope, when evil seemed about to win the day. 

Printed here for your reflection: 

88   Domine, Deus

1   O Lord, my God, my Savior, *
by day and night I cry to you.

2   Let my prayer enter into your presence; *
incline your ear to my lamentation.

3   For I am full of trouble; *
my life is at the brink of the grave.

4   I am counted among those who go down to the Pit; *
I have become like one who has no strength;

5   Lost among the dead, *
like the slain who lie in the grave,

 6   Whom you remember no more, *
for they are cut off from your hand.

7   You have laid me in the depths of the Pit, *
in dark places, and in the abyss.

8   Your anger weighs upon me heavily, *
and all your great waves overwhelm me.

9   You have put my friends far from me;
you have made me to be abhorred by them; *
I am in prison and cannot get free.

10 My sight has failed me because of trouble; *
Lord, I have called upon you daily;
I have stretched out my hands to you.

11 Do you work wonders for the dead? *
will those who have died stand up and give you thanks?

12 Will your loving‑kindness be declared in the grave? *
your faithfulness in the land of destruction?

13 Will your wonders be known in the dark? *
or your righteousness in the country where all is forgotten?

14 But as for me, O Lord, I cry to you for help; *
in the morning my prayer comes before you.

15 Lord, why have you rejected me? *
why have you hidden your face from me?

16 Ever since my youth, I have been wretched and at the point of death; *
I have borne your terrors with a troubled mind.

17 Your blazing anger has swept over me; *
your terrors have destroyed me;

18 They surround me all day long like a flood; *
they encompass me on every side.

19 My friend and my neighbor you have put away from me, *
and darkness is my only companion. (Book of Common Prayer 711)

After Jesus had said these things, he went out with his disciples across the Kidron Valley, where there was a garden, and he and his disciples went into it. Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place, because Jesus often met there with his disciples. So Judas took a company of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and the Pharisees and came there with lanterns, torches, and weapons.

Then Jesus, knowing everything that was about to happen to him, went out and said to them, “Who is it that you’re seeking?”

“Jesus of Nazareth,” they answered.

“I am he,” Jesus told them.

Judas, who betrayed him, was also standing with them. When Jesus told them, “I am he,” they stepped back and fell to the ground.

Then he asked them again, “Who is it that you’re seeking?”

“Jesus of Nazareth,” they said.

“I told you I am he,” Jesus replied. “So if you’re looking for me, let these men go.” This was to fulfill the words he had said: “I have not lost one of those you have given me.”

Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it, struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. (The servant’s name was Malchus.)

At that, Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword away! Am I not to drink the cup the Father has given me?” John 18:1-11 (CSB)

Pay close attention to the “I Am” statements within this text. What happens after Jesus says it? 

John knew what he was saying, and is intentionally connecting Jesus to Yahweh, and paralleling this garden experience to both Eden and Moses’ encounter with the burning bush. John connects it throughout the Gospel, with his gospel even referencing Christ as existing with God and as God before time, rewriting the Creation story in Genesis. 

This time, when we experience Yahweh, it is not as a friend and companion, like he is in Eden, nor is he seen with reverence and fear as Moses did, who would remove his shoes to tread lightly. Rather this is betrayal. Even then, at the sound of the Holy Name, the guards can’t help but to fall backward. It’s just that reverend. 

Think for a moment of yesterday’s text, with Jesus talking to the Father. Contrast it as well to Adam in the Garden with God. The full communion that existed has come back. Jesus is the new Adam, but the one that accomplished faithfulness where the first Adam failed and brought about the curse. In this garden, however, it is not God who will kick humans out, but humans who will attempt to kick God out. Out of our own exile! Even here, in our sorrow, where we were sent to reflect and become humble, we dare confront the very Creator of the universe and chasten him with trespassing on our territory. This is not just betrayal, it’s a sad, blasphemous tragedy, with the main players unable to see the irony of their actions. Like children grounded in their room, attempting to kick the parent out who has come to tell them they are welcome back out. 

And look at Jesus’ response. Tempered. Sorrowful, and resigned. How sad, he must be thinking, that they don’t know it doesn’t have to be like this! Instead of fighting, as Peter wants to, he merely hands himself over. If he wanted to he could send armies of Angels (Matthew 26:53)! But this is not God’s way. It’s not the way of love. 

Don’t think it was for nothing. I wonder how many of the guards went home changed. I wonder how many who tortured, or brutalized him, were converted, let alone the many billions who would hear the story. The actor Pietro Sarubbi has attested that even when he looked at Jim Cavizel’s suffering character playing Jesus in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” he felt an electric shock run through him that led him to faith. 

Love will never come at gunpoint.
Love can never be bought.
Love can never be coerced, or manipulated.
Love can never abuse.
Love will not insist. 

Love must wait, until it is welcomed. Until it is wanted. Until then, it will endure what it must, to patiently await all who will finally see. 

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he told the disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” Taking along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. He said to them, “I am deeply grieved to the point of death. Remain here and stay awake with me.” Going a little farther, he fell facedown and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. He asked Peter, “So, couldn’t you stay awake with me one hour? Stay awake and pray, so that you won’t enter into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Again, a second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And he came again and found them sleeping, because they could not keep their eyes open.

After leaving them, he went away again and prayed a third time, saying the same thing once more. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? See, the time is near. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up; let’s go. See, my betrayer is near.” Matthew 26:36-46 (CSB)

Think about this for a moment: The Lord of the universe, through whom and for whom all of creation came to be, didn’t want to do something. He was, in fact, desperate to not do something, if it fit within the will of the Father. 

Two things strike me prominently about this.

Firstly, the hard thing that he was expected to do doesn’t fall within the ordered nature of the universe, but is a byproduct of its disordered state. That to say that death, sacrifice, murder, haunting cruelty and betrayal are not a part of the design of the cosmos, for the creator himself didn’t want to face it. The reality of this is that we must have far more mercy on ourselves for the struggles and difficulties we face in our everyday lives, as they are not normal ordered realities. God himself doesn’t want to face them. Don’t make fun of someone who doesn’t deal with loss well, or who has not finalized grief. Don’t minimize someone who doesn’t love conflict. Their tender hearts are shared with the tender heart of our creator, who doesn’t want to fight us. 

It is us who want to fight him. 

Secondly, and equally importantly, imagine the nature of the Trinity that Jesus is fully open about his vulnerabilities. He already knows what he must face, but he has no issue confessing that he doesn’t want to. In a) recognizing and b) confessing he is addressing the disparity within himself, and seeking solace from the relational nature of the Godhead. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, ever in communion with itself, encourages, and satisfies itself in its own love. As God is love, and that love is fully satisfied by God’s self, any action he does for us is not in necessity but out of generosity. God doesn’t need our love as it is, by nature, satisfied. He doesn’t need our response. He wants it, and is inviting us into the very same dynamic that fully satisfies Jesus in this moment. That to say that the same communion is as available for us as it was for him through the Holy Spirit. When we face our own trials and temptations, the availability to communicate both discomfort and desire are not something God needs, but something for which he pleads us to share with him. Not so that he can remove them, but that he might share their burden with us. That our God might suffer as we do, and might redeem the suffering for the purposes of love. 

When we also a) recognize and b) confess, we are being honest and truthful with ourselves, and with God (as Jesus was), and that honesty is the very heart of the communion which draws us deeper into himself. But not just in mourning or difficulty, also with joy, anticipation, anxiety, fear, happiness, and pleasure. To share these with the Father through the Holy Spirit is to communicate a prayer of worship with our very lives. Our whole bodies, our souls, become temples for him in whatever we do, because we lift it all up to him, that he might share in it with us, and use us to share himself with others. 

(Photo from the Garden of Gethsemane)

When he had left, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. Little children, I am with you a little while longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so now I tell you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

“Lord,” Simon Peter said to him, “where are you going?”

Jesus answered, “Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow later.”

“Lord,” Peter asked, “why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”

Jesus replied, “Will you lay down your life for me? Truly I tell you, a rooster will not crow until you have denied me three times. John 13:31-38 (CSB) 

In the end, they all abandon him regardless of what they say they will do(Matthew 26:56 referencing Zechariah 13:7). In this way, Peter is not all that different from Judas. Judas betrays Jesus for some silver, but Peter does so to save his own hide. What’s the difference? 

I wonder, perhaps, if this is the Gospel. The Good News. We know what we must and should do. Love one another and love God as Jesus lays out multiple times. I hope that this has registered with us by now. We know the secret to a happy and good life. We know what it looks like to be faithful. But the truth is, we’re terrible at it. Downright awful. Even those closest to Jesus, those he knew best, and spent time forming and shaping, leave him. One outright betraying, and eleven running away and hiding. So much for Jesus as a mere example for how we should live as some churches portray him. If it was just that, he failed at his own mission with his own disciples. The incarnational experience would have been a colossal waste of time and effort. 

But in this story, we see two responses to the Gospel. The first, Judas, gave into the god of greed and envy, allowing it to consume and corrupt him. Satan’s lies about who Jesus was infiltrated Judas so deeply, that after the betrayal he finds the ends (or product) of sin which is death by hanging himself (Matthew 27:3-5). Quite grotesquely at that (Acts 1:18-19). He obviously had a twinge of conscience, but that conscience, instead of leading to repentance, leads to self-destruction and self-loathing. Satan was satisfied, I’m sure, completing the separation between God and man, and destroying the man in the process. In what I know about Jesus, there is not one small part of me, not the least bit of doubt, that had Judas brought that shame, even to the foot of the cross, fully seeing the implication of his betrayal, that Jesus would have redeemed him even then as he does for those who actually crucify him (Luke 23:34). Judas’ destruction was not his betrayal, as bad as that was, but his attempt to hide from his condition and solve it himself using death as an escape. If he had even just waited. Just hid, as Peter did, I wonder if the experience would have been different. 

For Peter also had the same twinge of guilt. The same twinge we all have when we are doing something we know isn’t right. And, just like Judas, he didn’t do anything about it. There was no confession at the foot of the cross for Peter either. But, unlike Judas, he does not allow his sorrow to lead to despair. Unlike Judas, he did not run away from Jesus, but ran towards him (Luke 24:12). Unlike Judas, he didn’t try to hide from his shame, meaning there was still hope and faith. And it would be that hope and faith that saved him, as Jesus revealed himself to Peter several times, most promisingly in perhaps the most beautiful image in all scripture (IMHO) when Jesus invites Peter back into full communion by cooking him breakfast on the beach (John 21:15-19; Peter’s Primacy pictures in today’s photo).

See the Gospel is not that we’re going to love perfectly or get it right. Nor is it that we shouldn’t bother trying. It is that, even in our worst and most shameful failure, the Lord is always inviting us back into communion with himself. It is his Grace, that operates through our faith, like it did with Peter(Ephesians 2:8-9) He doesn’t dismiss the betrayal, but neither does he hold it against us. He heals it. In fact, in the final scene, which we won’t touch in this series, it is not Jesus who withholds full communion from Peter, but the lingering shame of Peter that will not allow Peter to fully accept Christ’s love. How often that is the case with ourselves. So when people will later come to Peter and ask what they must do to be saved, he tells them, repent, and be baptized, and you will receive the Holy Spirit (New life — Acts 2:38). Don’t let your sin destroy you, consume you, or separate you from God. Don’t run away from it and him out of shame or stubborn pride, but bring it to him,  confess it, that he might heal it, and draw you further and further into his loving embrace. Allow his Grace to heal you.

Before the Passover Festival, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

Now when it was time for supper, the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas, Simon Iscariot’s son, to betray him. Jesus knew that the Father had given everything into his hands, that he had come from God, and that he was going back to God. So he got up from supper, laid aside his outer clothing, took a towel, and tied it around himself. Next, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet and to dry them with the towel tied around him.

He came to Simon Peter, who asked him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus answered him, “What I’m doing you don’t realize now, but afterward you will understand.”

“You will never wash my feet,” Peter said.

Jesus replied, “If I don’t wash you, you have no part with me.”

Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not only my feet, but also my hands and my head.”

“One who has bathed,” Jesus told him, “doesn’t need to wash anything except his feet, but he is completely clean. You are clean, but not all of you.” For he knew who would betray him. This is why he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on his outer clothing, he reclined again and said to them, “Do you know what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are speaking rightly, since that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done for you.

“Truly I tell you, a servant is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. John 13:1-17 (CSB)

At the end of their supper together, the disciples immediately jump to arguing about who is the greatest amongst themselves. I wish life has changed amongst Christians, but it continues to be a competitive industry. Many clergy conferences contain passive-aggressive small talk about clergy ego issues like number of baptisms, or church size and budget. Many churches claim they are the only true way and the only true disciples. I wish it weren’t so. You think Washington is bad, you should see an Episcopal Bishop’s election. Ughhh

If I were to guess, the same would be true in your own industries. I believe this instinct goes back to the Cain and Abel comparison, where, in looking for validation from God, we instead compare ourselves to our neighbors to see how we measure up. Statistics on wealth, success, and gratitude are all similar and show that, by and large, our comfort in each of these areas is relative to how we perceive our own status relative to our peers. It’s why Instagram and Facebook have blown mental health so far out of whack. What we used to compare to those within our relatively small networks, we are now able to look all over the world to see our relative status. You may have been relatively well off in your small town, but there is always someone far richer in the world. And professional influencers profit on creating a manicured look for the very things that evoke emotional response from us, while the algorithm sells more ads if it can point those towards you. It doesn’t care if that feeling is joy, or sorrow, anger, or happiness, with the exception that it is far easier to make someone angry and jealous, than content and happy. In short, as I heard it said, that while we used to metaphorically(!) see into our neighbors windows as we walked by on occasion, and we could compare ourselves relative to a small grouping, we now are able to see in the windows of nearly everyone in the world at any point. And the windows we see have professionals manicuring every inch of that space. 

If you want to be happy, firstly delete social media and turn the TV off. Period. There is no study that suggests it helps our mental and emotional well-being at all. Quite the opposite. Don’t even read anything more until that is done.(I did it after someone used social media to try to guilt my dying grandma into thinking that I was in trouble in an attempt to defraud her.). But secondly, and this is vital, we have to reverse the curse that led to the insecurity of Cain, and that which is innate within all humans. Where Adam said to God, “I think I can quite manage on my own thank you,” thus severing the relationship, Jesus responds to the same temptation in the desert with, “Don’t you know that while man needs bread, he needs the Words of God in his life even more!” (Matthew 4:4) We’re designed for that connection. 

When it comes to the final judgment, I’m going to point to Jesus for my hope. But, at this moment, we see him attempting to lead us towards the unbroken and unalienated future, by leading us back to what it looks like to be human. And, like a true leader, he doesn’t do so merely with words, but by leading with example. With all the disciples fussing over their egos, Jesus quietly gets down on his knees, and grabs a towel and some water, and begins to wash their feet. 

I suppose this image is somewhat lost in a nation with socks, tennis shoes, and pedicures, but feet are gross. Really gross. And sandaled feet that have crossed mud, animal waste, dirt and long distances in a hot climate are even grosser. Only the lowest of the low would be obligated to clean feet in a setting like this. Peter’s little tussle with Jesus is an image of our own ego learning to surrender to the voice of the Spirit within us.

No way Jesus! You don’t have to do that! 
Yes I do. 
Then wash all of me, because I want to be the best at being cleaned. 
No Peter. You still don’t understand what I’m doing. I’m going to do this for you, and I want you to be like this for others. Because if I’m like this for you, and you call me Lord, how much more must you be like this with others. 

You can almost hear the plea of Jesus, desperate for them, for us, to see: This is what it looks like to be a real human being. When you wash feet, you are no longer comparing ourselves to others. You are not competing with your ego, or leering with lust. You are not sizing up greedy opportunities, but you are serving and loving in the most basic way. If you want to be my servant, Jesus says, you must do as I do. If you want to live, let me show you what life looks like.  

When the hour came, he reclined at the table, and the apostles with him. Then he said to them, “I have fervently desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.” Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks, he said, “Take this and share it among yourselves. For I tell you, from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.”

And he took bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to them, and said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”

In the same way he also took the cup after supper and said, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you. But look, the hand of the one betraying me is at the table with me. For the Son of Man will go away as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom he is betrayed!”

So they began to argue among themselves which of them it could be who was going to do it.

Then a dispute also arose among them about who should be considered the greatest. But he said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who have authority over them have themselves called ‘Benefactors.’ It is not to be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever is greatest among you should become like the youngest, and whoever leads, like the one serving. For who is greater, the one at the table or the one serving? Isn’t it the one at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves. You are those who stood by me in my trials. I bestow on you a kingdom, just as my Father bestowed one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom. And you will sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel. Luke 22:14-30 (CSB)

The Jewish passover meal was and is a meal practiced by the Jewish people all over the world as a way of remembering the actions that God did for them in helping them to escape Egypt. The type of memory that the Passover represents is anamnesis, which is an active memory that lives as if the event was happening in the present. The memory of the event is recounted as the ritual meal is shared, and was proscribed by God during the Exodus as an event that all generations should participate in. Fitting that Jesus would use the Passover, within which the blood of a lamb was remembered to have saved the Jewish people from death, and apply a similar anamnesis event for himself, asking his disciples (and Church) to repeat a similar action on behalf of what he was doing for them.

What we know about the development of the theology of this text is that, as the Gospels are written some time after Jesus’ death, it is far likelier that this was written in response to a present reality of the Eucharist being such a central reality within the nascent church. It’s not that he never said or did this, but that the Gospel writers were well aware that the church already had a fuller understanding of what they were doing, through the ritual behavior, than that which needed to be explained in this text. Meaning, the Gospel writers didn’t assume this was just a sweet moment between Jesus and his disciples, but understood well that it was the institution of an action that they were to continue, together and that was alive and well at the time the Gospel texts were being inked.

Celebrating the Eucharist (Greek for Thanksgiving) is a central component of the New Testament texts, especially within John’s Gospel, and some of Paul’s Epistles, and the writers assumed its presence (Acts 2:42). Although we won’t touch it, in Luke’s own Gospel the Road to Emmaus story (Luke 24:13-35) is largely of the revelation of God that comes from the breaking of bread and sharing of wine (ritual Eucharistic meal) that the church was experiencing as these Gospels were being written. 

The implication and importance of communion is obviously far too big of a topic for a small email, other than to say that we might take note of the ritualized anamnesis within it: Whereas the Jewish people would recognize the blood of the lamb of the Seder meal as their salvation from death, the active memory In the Eucharist, that is the active memory of Jesus’ sacrifice, is brought forward as if it were currently happening for and with us in the moment. The blood of the lamb of the Seder is a type of foreshadowing of something much larger experienced in Christ. A different kind of lamb that would do a much larger saving from death. And this action would also develop its own memorial meal. And not one of merely ritualized symbolism, but the very real action of saving us in the present as we take part in the body and blood of the lamb of God. Paul will warn of the power of the Eucharist, and to not take it lightly. 

So, then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sin against the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself; in this way let him eat the bread and drink from the cup. For whoever eats and drinks without recognizing the body, eats, and drinks judgment on himself. (1 Corinthians 11:27-39)

Similarly John will say we must eat his flesh and drink his wine if we want to live (John 6:53-58). It’s not symbolism or metaphor, as we see in the next part of the passage, but a real call to the Eucharist.

I’ll touch on the imagery of servanthood that Jesus concludes with tomorrow, as it will be related to the foot washing that he participates in. More importantly, we see how deeply the disciples miss what is going on here. How often we miss what God is doing in our own lives, and yet we continue to gather, continue to participate, and continue to trust knowing that it is not in our understanding, but in his saving blood that we are being led out of our own sin sick wilderness into his salvation for us. And, as the early Christians realized, it is in this gathering, and the ritual repetition of this sacrament that we actually learn to discover the very thing that Jesus is trying to show us. 

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Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany where Lazarus was, the one Jesus had raised from the dead. So they gave a dinner for him there; Martha was serving them, and Lazarus was one of those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took a pound of perfume, pure and expensive nard, anointed Jesus’s feet, and wiped his feet with her hair. So the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

Then one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot (who was about to betray him), said, “Why wasn’t this perfume sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” He didn’t say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief. He was in charge of the money-bag and would steal part of what was put in it.

Jesus answered, “Leave her alone; she has kept it for the day of my burial. For you always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.”

Then a large crowd of the Jews learned he was there. They came not only because of Jesus but also to see Lazarus, the one he had raised from the dead. But the chief priests had decided to kill Lazarus also, because he was the reason many of the Jews were deserting them and believing in Jesus. John 12:1-11 (CSB)

The chronology of events, and the details of this story flow differently between John’s gospel and the Synoptic ones—those that we refer to as Matthew, Mark, and Luke—so placing this in sequence gets tricky. John’s Gospel isn’t as concerned about the order of things as the Doctor who wrote Luke’s Gospel was. That to say, this event likely falls outside the overall sequence we find ourselves in, but it certainly fits in thematically, and follows the beginning of the coordination to kill Jesus within John. 

Mary, Martha, and Lazarus are well known characters in the narrative. Lazarus was the man who was dead, but who Jesus rose by spoken word, “Lazarus come out” (John 11:43). In John’s Gospel this should give us images of the commandment of God who spoke in Genesis and creation responded, “Let there be light” (Genesis 1:3). John was casting Jesus as the Logos or very Word that created all things (John 1:1-3). He was the creative Word Incarnate, God among us. And John gives us an image of what to do with that Word throughout his Gospel, including the previous story of Martha fussing in the kitchen (Found in Luke’s Gospel, 10:38-42) and Mary at his feet. In it, the same Mary, who Jesus preferred, who would rather worship him than fuss in the kitchen, is the one who shows up today to anoint him with fine oil. This oil is, of course, an oil to prepare him for burial. It is a beautiful symbol of the love and adoration that Mary had for Jesus. 

Of course, it’s always the one who is corrupt who says, “That money should have been given to the poor!” In my own experience, that line is always proffered by the most miserly amongst us. My response is usually the same, “Which poor? Name him.” The reality is, most people who demand such actions from others are rarely themselves engage in that kind of work. Those who are generous realize that generosity is not zero sum, and they tend to be generous in all areas of their lives, meaning they can care for their loved ones and support the poor. 

But Mary and her anointing presents us with another important note, and one that is an important counterbalance to the story of the Sheep and Goats we read about two days ago. It tells us that adoring Jesus is not worthless. In fact, it is the first thing, and the higher good. Love the poor? Absolutely. Give water to the thirsty? Please! Support the widow? Whenever possible. But that love, those actions and the assertion of the will to be able to do so is preconditioned by our love for and by Jesus. It is, indeed, not simply mustered by energy and zeal, but by kneeling before the Lord and learning about His great love for us, that we are actually energized and empowered enough to love others. 

Mary has chosen the better thing (Luke 10:42) Jesus tells Martha. Worship is that which allows us to love more fully and capably, and is rarely a waste of one’s efforts. As Jesus says, the command is summarized by both “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,” and “[love] your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27) Note the disparity. Loving God requires everything and all of us: heart, mind, body, and soul. Only whereupon each of these have fully surrendered to Christ, through worship, are we even able to love our neighbor as Christ wants us to—as ourself!  

Another way of saying this is, love your neighbor with the condition you are in when you have devoted every part of you to loving God fully. Every part. And then, love your neighbor with what you have become. So adoring God transforms us to be able to fully love.   

Once again, Mary has chosen the better thing, and helps us to prepare our own hearts for the Passion of Christ and the service of love. 

When Jesus had finished saying all these things, he told his disciples, “You know that the Passover takes place after two days, and the Son of Man will be handed over to be crucified.”

Then the chief priests and the elders of the people assembled in the courtyard of the high priest, who was named Caiaphas, and they conspired to arrest Jesus in a treacherous way and kill him. “Not during the festival,” they said, “so there won’t be rioting among the people.” Matthew 26:1-5 (CSB)

How the day turns dark. 

Those joyful memories we have of Jesus, healing, eating, sharing. The lives transformed. I imagine the laughter, and time together with those whom he loved. I picture Mary, swaddling him as a baby, and being by his side for all of his life. But the corruption of the human heart—yours and mine—comes into clear view from this moment on. 

The first story after Adam and Eve, is the story of Cain and Abel. It is a story of insecurity and violence. I heard recently that the heart reaches out for connection every 8 seconds or so. That means, that nearly constantly, and subconsciously, the human self is desiring to be with those around them. We’re regularly throwing out and searching for signals from others that we are desired, and wanted, loved and accepted. It’s the lifeblood of our system, that is rooted in the imagery of the Garden. We’re made for constant intimacy with God. Perpetually. And when then severance took place, we were left with a deep wound of insecurity that we needed to fill with other things. The jealousy of Cain for Abel was Cain’s insecurity that he was not loved. Not worthy. It is part of the lie that Satan sows within us, that our true self—that name and purpose whispered to us by our Father—is not real and is cut off. 

God does not love you. Satan whispers. God is not there. He continues. 

You’re on your own. 

We might pretend to be well-adjusted, but that inner child exists within all of us. To cope with the abandonment we’ve created mechanisms to deal with our insecurity and doubt. Inner parts that compensate. 

We fill it with sugar. 
We fill it with euphoria. 
We fill it with action. 
We fill it with busyness. 
We fill it with accomplishment. 
We fill it with Instagram.
We fill it with politics and news.
We fill it with sex and pleasure. 
We fill it with our egos. 

And, when something threatens our defenses, it threatens us.  

Our misshapen subconscious identities are alert and prepared to defend us and themselves at all costs. Further than we realize when it comes down to it. All the way to violence.  

What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures. James 4:1-3 (CSB)

And this is the end result. The perfect image of innocence—love itself—walked among us, and instead of receiving it, we were threatened by it, and chose to kill it. 

I see this everyday. Every. Day. In myself and in others. We want the blessing, but don’t want to do the work. We want the cure, but not to die to ourselves. We prefer the sickness, with waves of comfort. It’s how we learned how to deal with the world around us. It makes us feel safe. 

Jesus says to live is to give up everything, and follow him. And we spend our time accumulating and earning. 
Jesus says to live is to serve. But our ambition yearns to climb and be promoted. 
Jesus says to even look lustfully is infidelity. And we plaster it on billboards. 
Jesus says we must turn the other cheek and pray for enemies. But we cheer for justice and fairness. 
Jesus says always tell the truth, no matter what. But we pick and choose how we say and to whom depending on whether it benefits us. 
Jesus says worry is of the enemy. But we concern ourselves with everyone and everything. 

We don’t want God. We want to kill God and be told that we’re okay, and loved. Because God threatens us. 

And we conspired against him.

Until we acknowledge that it us in the crowd in the spectacular passion in the coming days, these moments will have little significance for us. 

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate them one from another, just as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

“‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and take you in, or without clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and visit you?’

“And the King will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and f of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will also say to those on the left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels! For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink; I was a stranger and you didn’t take me in; I was naked and you didn’t clothe me, sick and in prison and you didn’t take care of me.’

“Then they too will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or without clothes, or sick, or in prison, and not help you?

“Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

“And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” Matthew 25:31-46 (CSB)

There’s a throne room scene in the book of Daniel that is a prophetic vision of the final days.It’s Daniel 7:9-14, and while it’s too long to post here, it’s really, really worth (necessary) reading as a backdrop to what Jesus is talking about here. In it, the Ancient of Days enters the scene coming before the thongs of people, surrounded by all nations,  including the great many rulers who are seated at the front of the audience chamber. The whole scene is alight with haunting images of glory and power with the Son of Man (human) entering to receive the crown alongside the Ancient of Days. It’s a coronation scene, as the Son of Man is given all authority, and dominion, and power by the Ancient of Days and all nations bow before him. After the coronation, all the tyrannical beasts and its followers — those that rebelled against God (Ancient of Days) — are also judged and destroyed. 

It’s a stunningly beautiful, or chillingly haunting scene, depending on how you look at it. (If you haven’t stopped this yet to go read it, do it now, I’ll wait.) It’s evocative, and supposed to be. Here is true power. Here is true judgment. Nothing else will bear before that throne. 

Again, this is one of those moments in scripture where C.S. Lewis gets it dead right. You don’t get to claim Jesus a good man with good moral teaching and not believe what he says. He is either really the Lord, a liar, or lunatic. Why? Because he is talking about himself in the middle of the scene. Ordinary, nice people don’t do that. And, in keeping with yesterday’s theme, as these are the final moments before he is betrayed, what he says is severe. This is not the nice-guy-Jesus we see in the memes. 

In that final moment, and at that final judgment, do you want to be in or out? He is asking.

Now, fire and brimstone sermons have fallen out of favor, and probably rightly so, as they are manipulative, and brutal, and tended to be used to control. But if your heart doesn’t skip a beat at this text, you haven’t been listening to Jesus, and when he said it, I’m sure you could cut the tension with a knife.

Jesus continues, those who are in, will do as I say. Those who are out, will do what they say. 

And what is this thing that they are supposed to do? Love others. 

The stranger. The foreigner. The tired. The sick. The lost. The hungry. The prisoner. The orphan. 

Whether or not you like this, it’s what he says. As a result, this text has been a motivating text for Christians for millennia to act with a social conscience. They stole babies that were being killed out of the garbage heaps of Rome. They started orphanages and hospitals. They took care of widows and orphans (James 1:27) ran clinics for the chronically ill, cared for the victims of the plague when others were terrified, and fought for political rights of the vulnerable and oppressed. People don’t do this under normal motivations. It was this passage that compelled them.

Following Jesus isn’t just saying the right thing, or even believing the right thing. As said by the book of James, even the Demons believe God and they shudder (James 2:19).Rather, It requires a response of the will. It requires obedience. Because love is not a feeling or emotion. Love is not a belief. To love, is to will the good of the other, in prayer, in action, and in word. And, as I’ve said before, if we want to be with God, in the end, we must be like God. Which is to internalize this reality and to allow him to transform us to act and be like him. There is no other way. 

It’s still our choice. Love, and the Kingdom of God are never forced upon us, but again, this is what Jesus’ Kingdom looks like. 

If you don’t like God’s Kingdom, you can have your own.

Perhaps, better quoted by Lewis again, 

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, in the end, “Thy will be done.”